Recently, while sneaking and watching Saturday Night Live in our bedroom, my husband and I had a really good laugh watching Vanessa Bayer do her Miley Show sketch impression of Miley Cyrus. (this was pre-genital-slapping-with-giant-foam-finger incident).
“Miley” AKA Vanessa, talked about how she was all grown up now with her brand new awesome haircut and explained that she was going to tell a “sexy, adult” joke.
This is how it went – with no pauses and without missing a beat: (Vanessa’s better at being Miley than Miley is at being Miley)
“What’s round and brown and between to cheeks? It’s a butthole, ya’ll.”
We laughed until our sides hurt and our eyes glazed over. It may have been one of those things that you just had to be there for…I’m not sure.
Anyway, over the course of the next few days, I kept feeling the urge to repeat the joke to Dave whenever I thought we were alone. We would laugh and high-five and it was entertaining. (hey, we’re parents of four little kids…we get our kicks where we can)
Fast forward about a week to standing in line at Walmart with my four year old. (all of my mortifying life moments happen in lines at Walmart surrounded by staunch old ladies with stiff upper lips)
Me: Hope, come over this way and stop touching that stuff. We’re checking out then going to pick up sisters.
Hope: Hey, Mommy?
Me: (Gesturing wildly) Stay back from that rack, Hope. We’re not buying any of that.
Hope: But I don’t have a rubber princess like this one what they have. (gazing lovingly at a princess doll with a removable rubber outfit)
Me: I know. But that’s okay – we don’t need one. Come over here, please. (She gives up and comes over next to me)
Me: Yes, Hopie?
Hope: (Suddenly animated and with the loud voice of a circus showman) What’s round and brown and between two cheeks? It’s a butthole, ya’ll! (Delivered with perfect punch-line precision and inflection)
Me: (not sure whether to be proud of her showmanship or mortified, I blink in uncomfortable silence while she smiles like a naughty cat)
I quickly ushered Hope away with the sounds of old ladies gasping mingling with the muffled laughter of cashiers behind me.
And now, for your viewing pleasure…