Pregnancies: 7

Miscarriages: 2

Births: 5 births, 6 infants (buy one, get one free)

Kids: 6

Pounds gained: 97

Pounds lost: 50

Pounds gained but not lost: 47

Times I’ve barfed: 7,562

Times he’s barfed: 3

Hospital visits: at least 11

Ambulance rides: 2

Stitches: around 21

(I won’t tell you where most of those were placed)

Epidurals: 5

Times he saw my butthole – at least 5

Times I saw his butthole – 0

Vacations: around 15

Countries visited: 10

Amount spent on milk in the last six years: $15,375

(I wish I was kidding. Thank you Quicken for making this little nugget of information available to me)

Diets: 1 million

Kidney stones passed: 2

Jobs: 14

Weddings: 3

Funerals: 4

Class reunions: 3

TVs: 7

Computers: 7

Cars: 16

Animals: 5 million

Apartments: 2

Houses: 4

Years it took to realize we look nothing like our wedding photos anymore: 10

Years it took to start feeling old: 15 (the year the twins were born)

How much I love Dave Abernathy: a million infinitely boundless immeasurably countless always and forever times a billion

18 years ago today, we showed up to be married and forgot our marriage license. The old lady running things told me “it might not happen today because we’re on a tight schedule!”

Who tells a couple of babies in wedding attire that?

Luckily, my brother was running late and still at our house. We called him on a landline phone, which he answered. 😮 He was able to find it and bring it to us, The Old Troll Lady let us get married and we lived happily ever after.

Photo credit: The magnificent Bonnie Mattison Brown. She was Maid of Honor and still took all the pictures. ❤️