One day, Mommy will snap. A bathroom will likely be the cause of the meltdown. She will have yelled, “Where’s the dang brush?” one too many times.

She’ll also freak out because she’ll find out there’s a drawer in the kids’ bathroom dedicated solely to empty toilet paper tubes and empty hairspray bottles.

She’s threatened to bolt the hairbrushes to the wall, but all the girls rolled their eyes and laughed, recalling all her other empty threats like putting everything they own into a garbage bag and having a bonfire in the front yard or hiding all their shoes and underwear. Or leaving and never coming back.

This time, Mommy Dearest gets the last laugh.

Project Supply List

12 feet of 1/16th inch braided wire

3 Wet Brushes in bright, exciting colors

3 drywall anchors rated for 75 pounds (in case a six year old or any twins decide to swing from it)

3 ferrule and stop kits

3 heavy duty eye bolts (in case a six year old or any twins decide to swing from it)

1 extremely expensive smashing tool that looks like a Transformer

(The Lowe’s guy tells me it’s an investment because I can bolt down all the stuff and I feel like he’s right)

Project Instructions:

1. Drill tiny holes in the brushes because some dummy in manufacturing at Conair decided brushes don’t need holes.

2. Fish braided wire through tiny holes in brushes and the eye bolts.

3. Use the extremely expensive smashing tool to smash the ferrule and stop kits on the wire on the brushes and on the eye bolts. This is way more difficult than it should be. It took 3 kids and a pissed off mother to complete. It was terrifying. The tool looks like something to decapitate fingers or toes.

4. Ram the drywall anchor into the drywall and screw in the eye bolt.

5. Survey your handiwork in thwarting your children’s plans to drive you bat-sh!t crazy for one more day and pat yourself on the back.

6. Go get a pedicure.