Last week, I likely offended a few with my emotionally charged narrative chronicling my experiences at McDonald’s Playland. I promised to detail Hope’s retelling of this story in my weekly Funny Friday piece. (Hope is my four year old)

Well, I was lazy last week and didn’t get it done. I’m really trying to keep it current around here, so without further ado, here is how Hope explained the situation to her sisters who were not present.

Hope – Sisters, guess what? Something happened at McDonald’s. It was bad. It was in the…in the…where was it at Mommy?

Me – At McDonald’s?

Hope – Yes, but it was in the…those…um…those…big things that’s where we climb inside of.

Me – Oh, you mean the tubes?

Hope – Yes, the tubes. Something happened at McDonald’s. It was bad. The boy was bad. It was in the tubes where we climb inside of.

Hailey and Hannah – {Roll eyes and smirk at each other}

Hope – {Breathing heavy and slurring from excitement} He pulled Harleigh’s hair out and…and…made her scream and the lady came and took her.

Hailey and Hannah – {Suddenly more invested in the story}

Hannah – Wait a minute…who did this?

Hope – That boy who was being bad in the……..in the tubes.

Hailey – Mommy, did someone hurt Harleigh today?

Me – Well, there was this –

Hope – It was the boy. You know, the black eye cheese boy.

Me, Hailey and Hannah – {Confusion with crickets in the background}

Me – The black eyed cheese boy? What the heck does that mean?

Hope – You know, that bad boy who ripped out Hardy Pee’s (Harleigh’s unfortunate nick-name) hair and only said words in the Sponish.

Hailey and Hannah – {snorting and delirious laughter}

Hope – {getting frustrated} It’s not funny, guys. It was real.

Me – {working hard to not crack up} You mean that little Hispanic (I really said “Mexican”, but I’m not making that mistake twice) boy who was speaking Spanish?

Hope – Yeah, Junior, the black eye cheese boy. He looks just like those mens on black eye cheese videos.

Me – You mean the Black Eyed Peas?

Hope – Yeah, the ones that sing, “Poop, poop.” That’s who Junior looked like.

OMGosh. Apparently the only reference for dark skin that my kid has is a Black Eyed Peas video from Youtube. We are such rednecks. And it wasn’t even a real Black Eyed Peas video. It was a “Bad Lip Reading” spoof called “Everybody Poops”. Holy Crap.

You’re gonna be singing it all day. I promise. This is the nonsense that is my life.  Everybody poops and if they don’t…they’re an android and should be destroyed. Words to live by, ya’ll.