My favorite husband took me on a surprise birthday trip to the Middle-Aged-Woman Mecca, otherwise known as Waco, Texas.

Forget about David Koresh and the National Mammoth Monument (not kidding) and the almost-literal hotness of the flames of he!!. Magnolia Market is where it’s at, ya’ll.

It’s Disneyworld for middle class American women.

Speaking of Disneyworld, I think Chip and Joanna Gaines have gleaned a little wisdom from Walt in the customer service department. They have dredged up the most cheerful, friendly humans on the earth to run that joint. They hand out treats to all the dog-children people drag in and gift their famous cupcakes when they find out it’s your birthday. The flavor was “Strawberry Lemonade”. I almost peed my pants.

I didn’t mention we had already waited in the 30 minute “Cupcake Line” which never, ever ends, all day long. If a line has a name and its own special tent, you know you’re waiting for a euphorical little piece of Lemon Lavender life-change. So anyway, Dave skeptically bought me $40 worth of cupcakes which indeed, turned out to be the best I’ve ever eaten. Hopefully, I’ll be able to save one for my poor kids.

We ate our Georgia Peach Summer Snow and watched with amusement as it only took a super excited employee 1.5 seconds to appear with a bucket and brush to scrub up a soda spill.

It’s sort of comforting knowing there’s a silently lurking person around every corner to pass out ice water, spritz you with water and sweep up your spilled salted caramel popcorn. I’m pretty sure there’s a 1:1 ratio of employees to guests.

I almost wept when I saw the $108 signature magnolia wreath and styrofoam magnolia stems that somehow looked shockingly real. I only had to beg and bargain once to increase the agreed upon “Magnolia Spending Budget”.

Then there was Magnolia Table. Don’t worry, it was only a 20 minute line to check in to be admitted to a line to wait an hour and a half to get a table.

But, people. The French toast. The house-made tator tots. The thick-cut, peppered bacon. It was worth the wait. We even had to time to run to Walmart before we were seated. There was talk of grabbing a bite to eat while we waited to get a bite to eat, but we saved ourselves. It was a good decision.

Apparently, if you want food to taste real good, all you have to do is serve it surrounded by 5,000 feet of distressed shiplap, sprinkle it with tiny, fresh chives and slather it all with strawberry butter.

…flowers like a wedding, shiplap, measuring spoons, cake plates, candles, subway tiles, shiplap, fake cacti, cupcakes, gourmet food trucks, tiny cast iron skillets, cupcakes, distressed wood, shiplap, many, many fans and misters to keep folks alive and cupcakes…

Ok. I’m done singing the Gaines family praises. I highly reccomend a visit to the Silos. It’s possibly the “happiest, hottest place on earth”…or Texas, anyway.