Sometimes, motherhood is about the little pleasures you steal when no one is looking. Also, it’s sometimes about reveling in enjoying something the rest of the family hates. 

It’s a well-known phenomena that you can scream wildly into sleeping tween and teen earholes and they hear NOTHING.

But. 

They can hear a Snickers wrapper three rooms over with their earbuds in blasting Metallica at unsafe decibels. 

In comes LaCroix Curate. Yeah, it tastes like an old man drank a beer and then ralphed it back up into your cup and added some pamplemousse and cucumber , but dadgummit, the kids won’t come near it.

I can walk around in broad daylight and lasciviously suck it down and they won’t even ask me. 

Mom wins today, Crotchgobblins.