There comes a time in every mom’s life when she wakes up and regularly surmises, “Holy Potatoes. I woke up older than dirt.”

This happens on days when she wakes up with a mysterious limp and the only physical activity she took part in the day before was a visit the pharmacy to buy magnesium…or maybe her daughter says something like, “Hey! OMG, IRL let’s dab and do faux freckles on UR face.” And all she hears is, “Vamos a volar una cometa.”

JK. My daughter never asks me to dab. She knows I’ll do it. In public.

She did warn me to stop making my eyebrows so boxy and followed that with, “It’s okay, mother. You’re still learning.”

So anyway, yesterday, was a ‘woke up older than dirt day’.

My firstborn, Hailey had a big day. She had her second phase of braces affixed to her chiclets AND passed the major milestone of convincing the state of Texas to give her a piece of paper that grants her permission to operate a motor vehicle legally.

I have so many diabolical plans to do exciting things like wear 90s sunglasses and do breakdancing moves in the passenger seat while listening to Spice Girls at top volume whilst she operates.

I’ll only do this at stop lights, though, and only when teenage boys are present. Safety first.

The fact that she’ll often be driving the Mothership is exciting to me as well.

What teenager doesn’t want to drive her family’s enormous, white grocery-getter? Not a dang one, that’s who.

Congrats, Hailey! You’re one step closer to adulting…and I’m one step closer to needing you to change my adult diapers.