The First Rule of Rio according to Maria: do not leave a phone unattended even for a second. I basically broke the rule the second my feet hit Brazilian soil. I went to the bathroom in the airport and left my phone on the counter.
A Brazilian native, the aforementioned Maria, who has lived in Miami for 20 years but returned to visit family, found my phone and chased me down trailed by several police officers and a couple of janitors in bright blue coveralls. Then she and her very nice husband chastised me while on the moving walking escalator for the next 10 minutes about leaving my phone unattended and safety precautions to take while visiting Rio.
They were relieved when they found out I was not alone and was heading to meet my husband right away. She told me that Rio is not like the US. “People will not return your things like in the US. They will steal from you! You were lucky I found your phone! You were brushing your hair and forgot! You cannot forget!”
Their last words as we bid adeus- “Go directly to your husband, Yesi!”
Hydroponic growing of plants is apparently very important. There are plants growing out of concrete, off the sides of buildings and in every medium imaginable. At the Botanic Garden, there were trees and plants growing out of woven grass mats on the walls and fences everywhere.
Even in the Favela (ghetto) there are trees being lovingly cultivated in the cracks on the roofs by the water tanks and lines of drying clothes. Beauty springs up from the ashes no matter where you are.
No one will hesitate to honk or yell at you and jaywalking is expected and encouraged. The normal speaking volume of the average Brazilian: WAY TOO LOUD. The cops jaunt around like celebrities on dirt bikes and Uber drivers keep their cars on empty at all times. Driving, walking or moving in general is very dicey.
We suck at selfies on every continent and I think Rio de Janeiro is safer than people believe. If someone doesn’t speak English, Dave will ask if they speak Spanish to find a common way to communicate. A lot will say yes and then continue to speak Portuguese anyway with a couple Spanish words thrown in for good measure. I just smile and nod and let my boyfriend figure it all out.
Brazilian toilet paper has tiny little hearts stamped all over it and walking south of the equator makes my feet smell like a corpse in the swamp in summer. If a futbol game is on, the entire city will reverberate and quiver with yelling and cheering. People will call from the rooftops and windows in joy and ecstasy when there is a GOAL!
If you buy a churro, they stuff it with chocolate or caramel pudding. If you buy a hotdog or hamburger at a street vendor, your choice of toppings are; tiny, adorable boiled quail eggs, raisins, black beans, corn and mystery orange cream sauce.
If you buy a pizza, however, you get packets of mustard and ketchup. Also, pizza comes adorned with boiled chicken eggs and green olives along with “sausage” which is actually ham.
Pizza shops have this thing called Pizza Dolce. Sweet pizza. This is what it is: pizza with mozzarella cheese, caramel sauce and then absolutely covered in a Nutella-like substance and maybe coconut shreds. Can you tell my main objective in any locale is eating food?
Photos from days 1 and 2:
1. Terrible selfie at Museu do Amanhã.
2. Our bad selfie series continues at Copacabana beach at night.
3. The view from the rooftop pool at our hotel.
4. View of the ocean from the hotel roof.
5. Pizza with boiled eggs and Pizza Dolce (Nutella drenched sweet pizza)
6. A little taste of the Jardim Botânico Rio.
